My First Twenty Weeks

It seems like those first twenty weeks passed by quickly now, but I am pretty sure they were all painfully slow at the time. The ups and downs over those weeks were incredible! With so many changes happening, it was hard to keep up with myself and deal with the changes. However I did make it through them and am into the last twenty weeks already (I'm 24 weeks along to be exact). To catalog everything I experienced I put together a list. This list is to help myself remember what I went through and to shed light on how everyone's bodies change differently during pregnancy. 

• For the first five weeks after finding out (we found out at 6 weeks), I threw up everyday and experienced round the clock nausea. It was a horrible ordeal. I tried all the recommendations I could find like crackers by your bed, eating smaller meals more frequently, staying hydrated, using essential oils, eating only certain foods. None of these things worked. It wasn't until about 11 to 12 weeks along that I found some relief. 
• My sense of smell and urge to pee increased exponentially nearly overnight. I believe my nausea during those first few weeks was actually made worse by my heightened sense of smell. I threw up making ground beef one night! Everything was so stinky to me! The urge to pee actually surprised me because I figured it was one of the symptoms that would hit me later on in pregnancy. However, I found myself waking up in the middle of the night to pee which I never did before being pregnant. 
• I had pretty bad abdominal cramping that would come and go that lasted until I hit my second trimester.  The cramping wasn't as severe as my monthly period cramps, but they were bad enough to alarm me sometimes. I consulted my OB at those times and she told me they were just growing pains! And boy did he grow! I actually think he's equaled out now, but during the first trimester he was measuring a week ahead of schedule with growth. 
• The stretch marks and baby bump came early for me too! I told myself I was blessed to be showing early. My bump wasn't much of a nuisance until my hips became to big for my pants! Shopping isn't quite as fun either when you are pregnant. I felt awkward in maternity clothes for the longest time because I thought, "I'm not far along enough for this!" The stretch marks..... All I can say is, I look like I was mauled by a tiger!
• The heartburn I have experienced during pregnancy felt like my chest was lit on fire from the inside! I made the mistake of eating lasagna one evening when I was feeling good after a prolonged time without vomiting. I woke up at midnight with the feeling like I was drowning in a lake of lava. The heartburn hasn't subsided either, but it doesn't react to tomato sauce like it did those first few weeks.

After about the 15th week, I felt almost back to my old self. I even became worried sometimes because I didn't feel pregnant anymore except for my protruding stomach. I felt a kick at 16 weeks that was like a bubble or popcorn popping. I felt some movement also when I laid down on my sides at night. I could feel the baby roll down from one side of my abs to the other as I switched sides. The kicks from there were infrequent until about 20 weeks. They felt mostly like jabs to my stomach just below my belly button. We found out at 20 weeks that we were having a boy (after a previously failed gender ultrasound appointment)! 

This later phase of pregnancy has brought on its own new set of challenges and wonders, but I still have a long way to go! 

My Something Meaningful

My last post was constructed around the idea of living life more meaningfully. I also wrote a post a little before that about some goals I set for myself to help me live my life more thoughtfully. 

It is never easy to make a change in life, but when you know that change will help you live a better life you have better motivation to make that change. I can say I have worked on my goals and have definitely seen a difference. However I think I can now say that I have found the most meaningful role of my life. 

I am becoming a mother! My husband and I found out we were expecting a baby on Labor Day and I was already six weeks along. We overjoyed and cannot wait to begin life with our little nugget in our arms. 

I am now 13 weeks and 5 days (my doctor adjusted the due date based on the size of the baby). I have gone through more than I ever expected within the last few weeks and more than I can write in this post. But what I've felt the most and what some might not expect, is gratitude. It is a true honor and privilege to have this blessing and miracle if I might add. To know the process of what has to happen to have a child, there are so many things that can go wrong or hinder the process. Personally my husband and I weren't using birth control for about a year and a half before we conceived. It was a hard process sometimes, but I think it was a good lesson in gratitude and respect especially for those who cannot conceive without help or who may not be able to conceive at all. 

I cannot put in to words the emotions I feel now, mainly because I go from sad, mad, crying, laughing, to hysterical in just a matter of minutes sometimes. For the most part though I am so happy to have this blessing and honored to become a mother. 

Something Meaningful to Live By

Life is fully of beauty, happiness, and excitement. We feel these emotions in our relationships and interactions with people, nature, and animals. So why isn't the population happier? (In my small and unprofessional scope of observation and research I have come across many people who are not happy.) One reason I believe is because we have forgotten how to be grateful for these things and who created these things. We have created a world with shortcuts for everything that has separated us so far from the origin of our possessions. We no longer think of how our possessions were made, where they came from, how they got here, or what happens to them when we are done with them. 

For example, picture a delicious chocolate bar wrapped up in pristine packaging. Did you ever think of where this chocolate bar originated? Let's say it is a Hershey's bar; then you could think,"it came from the factory." Where did the factory source its raw materials: the cacao bean, milk, sugar, etc.? I watched a video recently that followed a man to the farms of cacao beans. He wanted to meet the farmers who harvested the beans from their small plots of land along the Ivory Coast. The farmers lived in small homes made of primitive materials with large families and they employed several workers on their farms. The farmer was paid seven euro a day for his harvest and yet he had four employees and fifteen family members to care for. The host of the video introduced the farmer and his workers to the fruits of their labor: the chocolate bar. Because a chocolate bar cost about 2 euro, the farmer can not afford to buy his family chocolate. For the first time, the farmers tasted a chocolate bar. We owe our delicious chocolate bars to farmers like these men, but we rarely ever think of it that way. 

I believe our ingratitude and mindlessness has made us unhappy. Our souls crave meaningful interactions yet we have digitized and separated ourselves from the majority of these interactions between our families, friends, nature, animals, food, and business. I read a blog post recently on Lil Blue Boo (lilblueboo.com) where she shared her interest in living a life with less convenience. Here is a quote she used from a book titled "The Last American Man" that sums up the monotony society has created. 

"Do people live in circles today? No. They live in boxes. They wake up every morning in a box of their bedrooms because a box next to them started making beeping noises to tell them it was time to get up. They eat their breakfast out of a box and then they throw that box away into another box. Then they leave the box where they live and get into another box with wheels and drive to work, which is just another big box broken into little cubicle boxes where a bunch of people spend their days sitting and staring at the computer boxes in front of them. When the day is over, everyone gets into the box with wheels again and goes home to the house boxes and spends the evening staring at the television boxes for entertainment. They get their music from a box, they get their food from a box, they keep their clothing in a box, they live their lives in a box. Break out of the box! This not the way humanity lived for thousands of years.

Clever, ambitious, and always in search of greater efficiency, we Americans have, in two short centuries, created a world of push button, round the clock comfort for ourselves. The basic needs of humanity – food, clothing, shelter, entertainment, transportation, and even [certain desires] – no longer need to be personally laboured for or ritualised or even understood. All these things are available to us now for mere cash. Or credit. Which means that nobody needs to know how to do anything any more, except the one narrow skill that will earn enough money to pay for the conveniences and services of modern living.

But in replacing every challenge with a short cut we seem to have lost something and Eustace isn’t the only person feeling that loss. We are an increasingly depressed and anxious people – and not for nothing. Arguably, all these modern conveniences have been adopted to save us time. But time for what? Having created a system that tends to our every need without causing us undue exertion or labour, we can now fill those hours with…?"

My favorite line from this quote is, "Arguably, all these modern conveniences have been adopted to save us time. But time for what?" I do love some of my modern conveniences like my crock pot, air conditioning, and plumbing, but what else to life is there if we oversimplify and assign task to everything? Because of this epiphany, which I have not been able to accurately describe until now, I created those goals I set back in my Light on the Horizon post. So far, I am doing well enough on all of them. However, I keep in mind, this is about learning, making habits, and overall progress. 

My other something meaningful to live by is the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

For a little spiritual dose of advice, read this talk given by Elder L. Tom Perry, "Let Him Do It with Simplicity". 

(While I really like to read Lil Blue Boo's blog, I have not read through it all and therefore do not know what other content is on there. Also, the link to this video is on a website I have not fully read through either. 

The WWOOFing Opportunity

For the sake of accountability, I am going to give a small update on my goals which I will follow up later with a post describing what I am doing to reach each goal. Thus far I have done little towards reaching the goals I set, however, number one and four have seen some improvement. The first goal, of spending more thoughtful time with my husband, was improved by reading scriptures together and having family prayer every night. For my goal of creating a more christ-centered home, I have lowered the amount of ignorant television programs I watch. I hope to do more work to reach the goals this coming week, but I would like to say that some of these goals are about creating better habits and habits aren't formed in a day or even a week. 

At the end of my last post I announced I will be traveling to Wales and England in September. I am overjoyed by this opportunity, but also by the support I have received from my wonderful friends. In addition to the support, though, I have received advice and concern about my trip. I welcome the advice and concern, but I want everyone to know I have not taken this decision lightly. In fact, this one decision to WWOOF has caused me to delve into a sea of information and forethought I would never have otherwise come across. 

For all my readers who do not know about the WWOOF program, it stands for World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms. This means farms all across the world host volunteers to help them with daily tasks. In my experience everyone's reaction to this brief information has been, "you're going to work on a farm for free?" "It sounds like they are in it for cheap labor", and "you are going to be miserable." However, what many people are failing to see is the opportunity you have to learn from these people, observe them, and immerse yourself in the local culture. Have you ever wondered what is it like to live in other countries and cities? Did you every travel somewhere and want to have the "local" experience? That is what you can do with WWOOFing! 

When I first found out about this opportunity through a friend, I was a little perplexed too. I did tons of research about the concept and went looking at multiple WWOOF country websites. I also sought out blogs with personal WWOOFing experiences so I can get an understanding of what it is like, what to expect, what to look for, and the personal rewards you receive. Many of the experiences I read about related how much they learned about organic farming and how much they enjoyed their hosts. In my research I also found out about how long you have to work each day and each week and what the host will give to you in return for your work. Hosts are required to provide accommodation and food during your stay, but most go beyond that by involving you in their homes, at their dinner tables, and in their weekend activities. The amount of work you do varies depending on a host's requirements, but you get to choose your host and you correspond with them. 

For example, my hosts will be picking me up at the train stations and will be hosting me in their homes. One of them has told me I will be helping to make homemade apple cider from the apples I pick. The other host has informed me I will be helping alongside two long-time, returning WWOOFers (as we colloquially call ourselves) and dining with them for dinners. Plus I get the weekends to myself to venture out in the surrounding areas. 

The WWOOFing opportunity, as I would like to call it, has introduced me to many possibilities with traveling and also with interesting thoughts about a simpler kind of life, which I mentioned in my last post. However, it has made me rethink my life more than anything (except for the gospel, of course). In another post I will give in detail some of the thought-provoking information and ideas I have come across in my research. Until then, if you want to find out more about WWOOFing opportunities you can visit the individual country's website. In general, even if you don't plan on WWOOFing, it is still pretty interesting. 

Light on the Horizon

A much needed change of events has occurred since my last post. First, I have spent time reading my scriptures diligently and praying (often). Second, I had a long discussion with my husband. And third, I spent time with some wonderful friends. These past few weeks have been a time of great reflection and problem-solving. Not only has my faith increased, but I am happier and hopeful.

(Picture taken from LDS Living) 

I have set abstract goals for myself which I will explore throughout the next few posts. They are:

1. Spending more meaningful time with my husband like reading scriptures, family prayer, and technology-free time. 
2. Keeping up blog writing while also limiting my time spent on more wasteful things like hours of social media browsing and watching television.
3. Working on tangible skills and talents like sewing, gardening, and learning to play an instrument. 
4. Creating a home that is more christ-centered and relaxing. 
5. Discovering what my working hands are meant for..

The last goal is a bit more abstract than the others and I will explain why. Part of my pondering over the last few weeks has led me to find I do not want to work like a normal person. What I mean by this is a job that is 9-to-5, has a promotion ladder, and runs on a never-ending money cycle. To clarify, I read a blog last week about a couple who had typical jobs and were fed up with the "cycle". They decided to quit their jobs to travel. They explained the "cycle" as getting a job to buy a car which leads to needing a garage for the car so you buy a house and now you need to fill the house. Before you know it you have all these material things you need to buy and maintain which leads you to having to work for the rest of your life to pay for these things. (I am pretty sure the explanation was not in those exact words but this is how I interpreted it.)


Life can be much more simpler than the aforementioned cycle. It can be beautiful, successful, and happy with a lot less than what society makes you believe you should have. Besides, when life comes to an end you cannot take anything with you except what you have learned on this earth.

I am in pursuit now of figuring out how to live a much simpler life. I want to serve God and my fellow man while learning and exploring as much of the world as I can. 

I will end this blog post now to announce how I am beginning to learn, explore and fulfill my goals. From September through October I will be traveling to Wales and England! I will be WWOOFing (wwoof.uk.org) the whole time which will give me a chance to grow my gardening knowledge and skills but I also plan to spend some time traversing the surrounding areas. Ultimately I want to be more spiritually in-tune from this trip and more experienced in how to live a simpler life. I will record the whole trip on here so you can be sure to have some interesting reading material usurping that time. 

Happy Until! 

Brittnee

The Passage of Time

Since I have last written, the progression of change and time has continued. I have made no efforts to stop change, but have readily welcomed it with open arms, that is, until now. 

Over the past few months, I have tried many new things, some of which are actually old efforts, but have resurfaced for me to take a new stab at. For example, I took up a new diet for a month and exercised regularly for nearly two months. Of course, because of my lack of self-discipline, I gave up those efforts when other obligations came up. 

Also, I took up the goal of reading my scriptures everyday. I am proud to say that effort still lives on today, though I do have a few days in between where nothing gets read. However, I would like to believe I have made progress with my coming closer to Christ and Heavenly Father. 

On the other hand, my emotional visage has worn down and the parts of my life I kept masked within this visage are rising up with a vengeance. My close friends and family are aware of my deep struggles hidden in me, not to the fullest extent, but to the point where they can understand my emotional fluctuations. Struggling successfully I may have done with these past afflictions, they have overrun my mind for a while and forced me to ponder on my future. Living with these past afflictions is possible, I know, but that definition of life is far from what I deem a life of happiness. 

From the last few days of being buried in my thoughts, I discover I need a change to help me continue on in a way that is both pleasing to me and to my Heavenly Father. This change I mention is, like I said, not joyfully received. Change on a small scale is easy to manage and control. The change I need would be like forcing a river to flow the opposite direction its been going since it was formed on the first day. I know in my heart this change is good, but to remold twenty-something years of opinion is frightening. To enlighten your minds with the fury of my thoughts, I give you a summation of them: 

 (My) Life has been a series of opinions unsolicited from everyone around me. I have let society shape my opinion of who I should be and become. I have allowed the world to tell me what is right and wrong (not in a moral sense because I set those firmly on a foundation of Christ's teachings) in the sense of what life should be like. And all the while this is happening, I have had burdens placed upon me that make it hard to live everyday in accordance with what society said I should be striving for. Now I finally have come to the realization that I don't like the world. I don't actually like wasting hours on technology (what a hypocrite I am, I know) or pouring my time into hastening the spoils of the world in selfishness and greed. I want to find another way to live. I am afraid of the effort I will need to make to change and this effort may only end in a great mess. However, I am equally afraid of the day that will come (for I know it is a certain fate) when after some time of continuing on the same path I am on I will burst into a frantic state mixed with pain and anger. 

I tell you all this not to gain pity or love but to find understanding among others. I know out there in the world are like-minded characters who possess natural sympathies towards what I am feeling. I endeavor to catalog my changes which are slightly different than the ones I mentioned at the start of this blog. I hope you will continue on this journey with me in whatever form it may take on. 

The Bubble Gum Machine Mentality and Inspiration

Recently, the sister missionaries in my ward came over for dinner with me and my sister in-law. I expressed to them the feelings I had about visiting teaching and one of them read a scripture to me. The scripture (not remembering the particular book/chapter/verse) spoke about changing for the better (similar to this one Mosiah 5:2) and how we sometimes do not realize how far we have come or how much we've changed. The sister missionary (Sister Parsons!) explained to me that it was good to be concerned for the inactive sisters of the ward and, although it felt like a lot of responsibility to take on, it was me learning the importance of visiting teaching. Now, when the other sister missionary (Sister Helms!), heard the subject on change she suggested I read an article found in the April 2014 issue of the Ensign titled "Beyond the Bubble Gum Machine".

"Beyond the Bubble Gum Machine" tells an account of one woman's lesson on faith and blessings. The short version is she learned that blessings do not work like a bubble gum machine where you put in faith or a good act and immediately a blessing pops out. Blessings come after the trial of our faith and only by the Lord's will.

I have had this same lesson recently, though I did not think of the experience as a bubble gum machine. Looking back on the lesson I can say with a certainty, I had this bubble gum machine mentality. What is different about our experiences, mine occurred a few years after being a member of the church, while the woman's occurred shortly after becoming a member. It is a little disappointing for me to realize that I had this mentality, but I know I needed to learn this lesson.

The scripture verse that has taken me out of the mentality and helped me gain a better testimony is 2 Nephi 31:19-21. I may have mentioned this scripture before, but these particular verses, I believe, embody what latter day saints believe.

2 Nephi 31:19-21 say:

"19: And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save. 20: Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. 21: And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and the only and true doctrine of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is one God, without end. Amen."

I received this scripture verse after hearing my local stake presidency use it in a talk and visiting the temple later that week. To my surprise, a speaker at the General Women's Broadcast on the 29th of this month also referenced this scripture. This scripture has helped me persevere through the hard times I had recently and keep my faith. I truly know that we will be blessed and happy if we press forward through our trials.

This scripture and experience with the sister missionaries and the broadcast inspired and humbled me. I have a testimony of this church and I will not be shaken from it. I know many people who are not members complain about how much we try to convert others and share our faith. I can give you the reason why we can get a bit over zealous about sharing our faith: Happiness! I know those of us who are truly living the gospel are very happy and we want others to feel the happiness we are blessed with everyday. Now that you know, I hope you will understand a bit more and forgive us if we seem excited to share the gospel with you.